I am still alive

I had to take a bit of a break from blogging. Tim and I have had a rough few weeks but things are getting back to normal. I have been thinking about what I was going to write in the post for a few days now, b/c there has been so much going on and I wasn't sure if I wanted to share it with everyone. But I feel like I should that way I can talk openly about my feelings. I mean this is my blog so I should be able to write about anything I want right?

I know that I posted a few months ago that Tim and were not going to be trying to have a baby but that we were not going to be preventing it either. Well back on Oct 11Th Tim and I found out that I was pregnant. I had very mixed emotions about it b/c just the day before we learned that my sister was going to be having a baby in April. I was a bit upset when I found out that my sister was going to have a baby b/c she is so young but I also feel like it is really important to try and support her through this. So yeah I was a bit mixed about how I felt about being pregnant. Tim was over joyed with the news, he has been on the baby kick for a while now. We had a doctors appointment on the 18Th and it went well the doctor seemed to think that everything was fine even though I had some light spotting. That weekend Tim and I had the girls ( my two sisters) at the house and we had told then about me being pregnant. They both were pretty happy for me and I was starting to really come around to the idea my self. However on Sunday the 21st I started bleeding really bad and had to go to the ER. They took blood test and did an ultrasound. They didn't see anything and my HGC levels came back really low. They told me I was having a natural miscarriage and there wasn't anything they could do for me. They sent me home and a few hours later I passed a really large blood clot, I was only about 5 weeks a long. (I am sure this is TMI) After that I started feeling much better but Tim and I were every upset. But at the same time we are glad that we didn't share our pregnancy with a lot of people because it was pretty hard to tell the people we had told that we had loss the pregnancy. I know in my heart that everything happens for a reason and when it is met to be for Tim and I we will be and if anything we will be more grateful. I have been lucky to find a board that I can post on with other women that have had unsuccessful pregnancies and that has really helped. I also would like to thank the few people that knew what Tim and I were going through and supported us. I am sure that we would have had support from all of our family and friends, but we just were not ready to share the news. I hope all of you who we didn't tell will understand.