Better

Thanks to everyone that gave me advice on my post yesterday. I think I was just having a down day, I mean I really was upset and I felt way better after I put my feelings into words. I think that was what I needed. I am really enjoying bloging, I didn't think I would at first but I do.

On another note: My friend who's husband will be going over seas might get to come home for a week before he has to leave. My friend was so excited about the news that she called me at 7:00 am to tell me. I am so happy for her, I know it is going to be a long hard year for her. Also I knew when I told Tim that his friend would be coming home for a week that he would be really happy to. Tim and MJ are really good friends.

Walls

The older you get the more you learn, right? Well I feel like I learn something new everyday about myself. I guess this is what growing up is all about.... somethings are good and some not so good but either way at some point you realize these things. And if it is one of those not so good things what is the next step? I think you have to decide if this is something that you need to change and if so are you going to start doing something to change?

Well I am at that point, there is something I have come to realize about my self that really saddens me. I am not sure how I got here or how to change but I truly want to make an effort. I guess in some way we all put up walls to protect our self's but sometimes we really are only hurting ours self's more. I have come to the realization that I have a wall up that tells people that they cannot tell or share things with me . My mother doesn't tell me things, my grandmother doesn't want to tell me things and my husband doesn't feel like he can tell me things. I don't know if it is because I constantly over react, or if I am just not an understanding person but there is some action I or attitude that I am projecting that tells people that they cannot tell me things. I apologizes to all of these people to include my close friends I am sure there have been times where there were things the didn't feel like they could tell me.

This weekend I was at a get together with some friends and something thing came up in conversations that Tim had decided not to tell me. Really what it was wasn't something all that important but the fact that Tim didn't share this with me really hurt my feelings and then I had to sit there wondering what was the reason he didn't want to share this small thing with me. And from the look on one of my friends faces I could tell that it was something that Tim and ask everyone one not to share with. Also when my friends made the comment I don't know why he doesn't tell you stuff I mean my husband tells me things, It really put me in my places. I am sure she didn't mean it to sound the way it did, but it really hurt my feelings. Why doesn't he tell me things? Is our relationship in such a state that my husband feels like he cannot tell me stuff. At that point I really just wanted to go home to be honest it really put me in a glum mood. If I was siting on the other side of that table looking at me I would think to myself wow they must not have that great of a relationship to start with. But until that moment I did think that Tim and I have a good marriage but maybe I am wrong maybe there are all kinds of things that Tim feels like he cannot share with me.

I really am not sure how I got this way but I want to change it.... I feel really bad for Tim... who wants to be in a relationship with someone you don't feel like you can share things with no matter how small or big they are. That is what marriage is about sharing everything the good and the bad. Also what if I do have children one day, I don't want to be the kind of mother where her children don't tell her things. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

This past weekend

I didn't have to much planed but I did end up having a busy weekend. I think the best part of the weekend was spending time with baby Kendall. Shannon is moving out of her house so they can put it on the market.... anyone looking for a very nice townhouse? Anyway I didn't do to much of the heavy lifting I was there to watch after Kendall. She was really good that day, and I had a good time. I don't know if Shannon will ever really let me babysit but if she does I think I am ready haha. Here are some picture so I took with me new super cool phone that I have no idea how to work haha.

(not the best picture I have ever taken but Kendall looks good)

(Please notice the bow.... that was not easy getting it in her hair)

Then later that night I went shopping with The Shannon's (that being Shannon Hanson my sister-in-law and Shannon Moyers one of my best friends and Kendall's mom.) I had a really good time and I didn't even buy anything and that is hard for me haha.

Sunday was pretty good I straightened up around the house although you wouldn't be able to tell by the stay my house is in but really I did do some cleaning this weekend. Then Shannon H and I went and did some scrapbook shopping. I am putting a scrapbook together for Tim of his military career. I have been really lucky I have found all kinds of cool things to put in there and we have no shortage of pictures for the project. I would say over all it was a pretty good weekend.

Here are some more photos from my super cool new phone.

(This is Tina and Bristol getting ready for bed)

(This is Bristol watching the yard haha)

Crossing my Fingers

I talked to Tim on Friday and he said that he will be getting a 5 day weekend starting the 13th of July so that would be a perfect time for me to come and visit him. The only problem is my passport will not be here until the 24th of July. But I did call the Congressman yesterday and they took all of my information. They should be getting back with me today. When I talked with the girl from the Congressman's office I asked here what the she thought the chances of me getting my passport in time where and she said I don't want to say yes but we have been having good luck with them. So now I have my hopes up... If I do get to go see Tim I think we are going to spend a night or two in Paris. Man just writing that makes me smile. Now if I don't get to go I am going to be totally heart broken. But I will still fly out to see him in August but we will not be able to go to Paris. I am wondering if I should go ahead and buy my plane tickets, I will just have to make sure I can change the dates if I don't get to go in the 13th. Well wish me luck

Weekend

So here we are on another weekend, I have to be honest the weekends just are not the same with out Tim. I mean I have spent lots of weekends away from Tim but not in a row like this. I miss him more then usual but I think that is because I know I will not see him for 8 more week or is it 7. I really am not that big in to NASCAR but it is something that Tim really enjoys so I have been taking an interest into so that we can share something that he likes. Tim does stuff that I like all the time and to show him how much I appreciate that I watch the NASCAR race on Sunday afternoons with him. It truly is a great time. We usually have something to do in the morning so we will get up and do what ever it is that we want to get done and we try and make it home before the race starts. We watch about the first 50 laps and then we both tend to take a nap ( also the dogs like to nap about the same time) then we wake up an hour or two later just in time to catch the last 60 laps or so. And really the start and finish are the best part of the race. But I really miss my Sundays with Tim, there is nothing better then just relaxingly at home with my happy hubby.

Oh I might be going over the England at the end of July to see him. I had my passport sent out the other day and I should have it back by the 24th of July so if we can afford it I am going to take a trip over to see him. I don't know if I will get to do to much sight seeing but it will just be nice to spend time with him.

Phone

Man I know this might be silly to some people but I am so excited that I can now have a cell phone at work that has a camera on it. So today after work I think I am going to go a look at a new phone. There are so many cool phones out there I have no idea what I am going to get. I have been in need of a new phone for some time but the phone companies don't really make any cool phones with out cameras. Here are some of the ones I am thinking about getting and some of them come in different colors.

Things I love # 4

My Sisters

Really I have many sisters, two of which are my little sisters and I love them dearly. Danielle and Nikki have always been a big part of my life. Although the older they get that less time we spend together, and sometimes I really miss spending time with them. But they are getting older and finding there own way in life.

I also have a Step sister that I hold very near to my heart. I have known Erin since I was about 12 and I think she was 18 or 19 either way she was and still is totally COOL. She has a wonderful family and home. Tim and I love spending time with her and her family. (By the way it was not easy finding a picture of Erin.)

The newest addition I have as a sister is my Sister-in-law Shannon. I have really gotten to know her the past few weeks and to be honest I feel like I have a new best friend. I have always liked Shannon but you get to know some one on a different level when you have to live with them. I am really glad that she is staying at the house, it is nice to have some one to come home to when Tim is away and we get along really well. Also another big bonus is we can share cloths......what girl doesn't love that. I feel like even if Shannon and I were not related and we meet some where that we would still have become friends.

I love you all